Kids Don't Need Adult Friends - February 19, 2013

There seems to be increasing confusion within our classrooms about the distinction between the word “friend” and “friendly.”

It is certainly in the best interest of teachers to be kind and pleasant with students, rather than antagonistic, which is the definition of “friendly.” No one thrives with an ogre at the chalkboard, but “friendly” is far different from having a “friend.”

A friendship implies two people on fairly equal footing engaging in give and take, sharing the joys and struggles of their lives. Friends go to each other for counsel. Friends maintain confidences. Friends see other at their best and worst.

A 14-year-old is certainly not on equal footing with a 35-year-old. A teenager who is unable to even drive yet isn’t going to be able to give advice to someone experiencing marital troubles. Yet, there are still numerous teachers who want to be buddies or pals with their kids.

The desire to be liked is universal, but teaching, and leadership in general, isn’t a popularity contest. Leadership is lonely. The job of teachers is to guide, mentor, and educate kids. That requires an adult in a position of authority, not a friend.

The price of teachers striving to be friends with students is high. Show me a teacher who the kids say is “cool,” and I’ll show you a classroom full of chaos with little respect and little getting accomplished.