Kids Don't Need Adult Friends - February 19, 2013

There seems to be increasing confusion within our classrooms about the distinction between the word “friend” and “friendly.”

It is certainly in the best interest of teachers to be kind and pleasant with students, rather than antagonistic, which is the definition of “friendly.” No one thrives with an ogre at the chalkboard, but “friendly” is far different from having a “friend.”

A friendship implies two people on fairly equal footing engaging in give and take, sharing the joys and struggles of their lives. Friends go to each other for counsel. Friends maintain confidences. Friends see other at their best and worst.

A 14-year-old is certainly not on equal footing with a 35-year-old. A teenager who is unable to even drive yet isn’t going to be able to give advice to someone experiencing marital troubles. Yet, there are still numerous teachers who want to be buddies or pals with their kids.

The desire to be liked is universal, but teaching, and leadership in general, isn’t a popularity contest. Leadership is lonely. The job of teachers is to guide, mentor, and educate kids. That requires an adult in a position of authority, not a friend.

The price of teachers striving to be friends with students is high. Show me a teacher who the kids say is “cool,” and I’ll show you a classroom full of chaos with little respect and little getting accomplished.

Maybe It's Time - Febuary 3, 2013

"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go." – Robert Frost

Over the last couple of weeks, these words have been tumbling around in my mind like socks in a dryer. As a man of extremes, who loves to travel, it's easy for me to jump quickly to the conclusion that the quote is a challenge for me to quit my job and become a full-time traveling teacher, journeying to all stretches of the planet. 

One day that may well happen, but extreme thinking is often an internal excuse for maintaining the status quo. The logistics of selling everything and hitting the road is so overwhelming that I can just as quickly dismiss the idea and go back to my comfortable existence. I'll mull over Frost's words later when I have a better sense of how such a bold act would unfold.

That absolves me from considering that maybe there's another message in the quote, an invitation for me to depart from other stations in my life that aren't as extreme - a toxic relationship, a bad living situation, hanging on to lost dreams from the past.

However, doing so can be frightening when there's nothing new to take their places, when there's "no certain place to go."

Fear is part of what holds us back, but I also believe that we get sidetracked by looking for certainty before we act or, in my case, looking for signs. It's been my experience that in the past when I came to major crossroads in my life I seldom had obvious, Road to Emmaus type clarity but, instead, just rolled the dice and kept moving forward.

Since signs are often not forthcoming, we have yet another convenient excuse to not act. We have the justification to remain in a familiar place.

Over the next few weeks, I'll continue to mull over situations I need to leave behind in my life. Perhaps, it's a good exercise for us all in this new year.