Comfortable or Life Changing? - February 1, 2010

Lately, I've been mulling over a haunting question that I can't seem to get out of my mind, a question that a friend suggested we ask ourselves when faced with any decision, especially a major one – do we choose the comfortable path or select the path that could truly be life changing?


It’s easy to remain in a comfortable job, a comfortable relationship, or a comfortable pattern of behavior, even if we know it might be wrong for us, because walking down a potentially life-changing path can just be too frightening, even if we know the path is probably right for us.

Sometimes, I’ve shied away from the latter path. Although I don't have many regrets, occasionally, I wonder how things might have turned out differently, if I had had the courage to walk down more of the life-changing paths.

Watching television, which I admit I’ve spent countless hours doing, is comfortable. Reading a book, especially a challenging one, can potentially change a reader forever. Tending to one’s yard is comfortable. Spending that same time volunteering could transform the volunteer and the lives of those with whom the volunteer interacts. Buying a new television is comfortable. Donating that money to charity can literally mean the difference between life and death for someone.

I’m not trying to make a value judgment. I’m merely grappling with the notion that we make certain choices because we want familiarity, comfort, and safety, and we avoid making other choices because we are afraid of the possible pitfalls, although going down the uncomfortable path might ultimately make us happier.

In regards to travel, I think it’s also useful to address the question of comfortable versus life changing when considering one’s destination. I enjoy an occasional trip to Florida. It’s a chance to relax, soak up some sun, and eat great seafood. It’s comfortable, but no trip to Florida has ever had any lasting impact on my life, other than a few days of short-term pleasure.

I took my first life-changing trip back in 1994 when I went to Guatemala for seven months to study Spanish and to travel. I was uncomfortable on many occasions. At first, I didn’t understand the language. I lacked many of the conveniences of home, including heat, even though the temperature on some nights dropped to 20 degrees. I was surrounded by poverty. I battled stomach parasites, and at one point while traveling in Nicaragua, I was so sick and dehydrated that I didn’t have the strength for several days to climb out of bed to board a bus to get back to my “family’s” home in Guatemala.

But with the challenges came some life-changing gifts. I got to learn firsthand about the rich culture of Guatemala and to experience the kindness and incredible generosity of the people. I got to learn Spanish, which I still use to communicate with individuals in my community and with my students. I got a chance to see some of the poverty that I’d previously only read about, which, to this day, motivates me to contribute to charities doing relief work overseas. I got a chance to find out for myself that a person doesn’t need a lot of material possessions to be happy.

I was so moved by the way that Guatemalans reached out to me that I've always tried to repay some of that kindness when I encounter Guatemalans in my own country. In many respects, my experiences in Guatemala inspired me to teach English to Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL).

I’m not implying that an overseas trip, especially to a developing country, will automatically change one’s life for the better. In fact, it can do just the opposite. I’m familiar with a volunteer who was so overwhelmed by what he saw while working in the slums of India, that he needed psychological help and has no desire to ever return to such a situation. All I am saying is that some trips contain the seeds for a potentially life-changing experience, while other trips, such as lying on the beach in Miami, normally don’t.

As with all other decisions, I think that we avoid traveling to certain destinations out of fear. When I told friends I wanted to go to Guatemala, many replied that I was crazy because Guatemala was dangerous. Yet, I never ran into any problems. When I said I wanted to visit Haiti, even more people said I was crazy, but once again, I had nothing but positive experiences.

I agree that travelers need to exercise more caution in some countries, just as travelers to the United States need to exercise more caution in some cities rather than others, but excessive caution can stand in the way of the thrill of learning about and interacting with new cultures.

In 1993, I missed out on a chance to participate intimately in a cultural and religious experience abroad because of fear. At the time, I was visiting a small village a few hours outside of Guadalajara, Mexico. The occasion was Holy Week, which in Christianity is the commemoration of the last week of Jesus Christ's life leading up to his crucifixion and resurrection.

Each year, the village reenacts the events of the Passion of Christ. Hundreds of villagers march through the streets following the person who's playing the role of Christ. The procession ends outside the village with the "Christ" actor being tied to a cross atop a hill.

It's an honor to be chosen to play Jesus. Because I was a visitor, I was asked to play the role, but I declined because, at the time, I knew very little Spanish, and I was afraid I would look foolish if I had to speak.

It turned out that the actor didn't have to say a word.

As I walked through the village watching the moving spectacle, the painful realization sunk in that I had blown a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and worse, I realized I might have offended some of the villagers. Now, I use this past incident to emphasize to my students that we don't always get second chances in life.

Excessive caution or fear can also quickly quash potentially life-changing trips within the United States. Listen closely. You can almost hear these thoughts echoing through the universe..."I wonder what it would be like to help out in Appalachia?.....Nah....Maybe, I could hammer some nails for Habitat for Humanity?.....No, I need to catch up on some things....Could I have helped out with Hurricane Katrina?.....Nope, that's silly."

Again, it gets back to the question of comfortable versus life changing. We might prefer comfort and safety and fun, but, as my friend suggested recently when he raised his challenging question, pursuing potentially life-changing paths could lead to long-term joy.